Avoid Self Criticism
Avoid Self Criticism
Is this scenario easy of hard to imagine?
You finally worked up the nerves to call a person you have established a friendship with online and you are on the phone chatting away.
The conversation is going nicely and you have prepared some questions to ask him or her in an attempt to find out if they could be a potential prospect as a customer or partner for your business.
The small talk continues and you just can’t seem to find the courage to bring up the subject of business. All of a sudden, you find yourself having a conversation with yourself, wondering what the other person will think of you for bringing up your business into the conversation.
You are not present to the moment and you are not listening to what the other person is telling you…
You start feeling nervous and you seem to have forgotten how to be spontaneous! Next thing you know, the conversation looses it’s stream and you end up not asking the few simple questions you had prepared.
You hang up feeling dissatisfied with your performance and say to yourself… “I’m just not cut out for this.”
Was this scenario easy or hard for you to imagine? Did something similar actually happened to you?
The mere thought of talking to people about an opportunity is for most people the hardest part of getting started with their business.
“The reason some people are self-conscious and awkward in social situations whether on the phone or in person is simply that they are too consciously concerned, too anxious to do the right thing, and too fearful of saying or doing the wrong thing…
If these people could let go, stop trying, not care so much and give no thought to the matter of their behavior, they could act creatively, spontaneously, and ‘be themselves’… Your creative response cannot function or work tomorrow – or even a minute from now. Only right now. That’s why when you drifted of while in a conversation creates such a dis-connect!
Emotional Freedom in the Present Moment
In Psycho Cybernetics, Maxwell Maltz shares;
“In any sort of social relationship we constantly receive negative feedback data from other people. A smile, a frown, a hundred different subtle cues of approval or disapproval, interest or lack of interest, continually advise us of ‘how we’re doing,’ whether we’re hitting or missing the mark, so to speak. In any sort of social situation there is constant interaction going on between speaker and listener, actor and observer. And without this constant communication, back and forth, human relations and social activities would be virtually impossible. And if not impossible, certainly dull, boring, non-inspiring and dead, without ‘sparks.’
The Power of Now
Follow these tips to pull your mind from the past or future into the present:
- Accept your present feelings. It is okay to feel what you feel.
- Avoid self-criticism.
- Notice bodily sensations. An awareness of your body draws your mind to the present.
- Focus fully on your partner’s words or body language. You cannot predict the future when your mind is occupied with present information.
How are you doing in connecting with people?
Tags: Avoid Self Criticism, how to avoid self criticism, self-criticism, The Power of Now
Beautiful post for me Nathalie!! I can totally relate to what you have said here!! Must say that I have given up on some aspect of it as the discomfort was too much for me!!I am working on me!! The Power of now!!
Holly recently posted..Hooked Into Another Weight Loss Miracle?
Self-criticism is very damaging to your ability to be connected with people. When you are worrying about how you said something, you can find yourself not listening to the other person.
Melodie Kantner recently posted..Love What You Do Or Do Something Else
yes I have to admit I do that often, not because I am afraid, but because of being somewhat ADD and my mind always wants to race ahead, I have to work at slowing down and paying attention!
In situations like this I say practice makes perfect.
I suggest practicing with family and friends first.
It is amazing how fast you will became a pro in no time.
Peter
Peter Fuller MBA recently posted..If You Had To Retire In 2012 What Would Your Life Be Like?
Excellent advice, Nathalie.
I think that self-criticism is inevitable when you challenge yourself to act outside your comfort zone.
The trick, I’ve found, is to keep doing what you’ve challenged yourself to do. The more you keep “doing” and the less you time you spend “thinking” and “self-criticizing”… the more likely you are to ultimately succeed.
Action trumps self-criticism every time.
David Merrill recently posted..Fan Page Buzz | Traffic Generation Strategy
Great post, Nathalie! I know that there are times that this has happened to me. I think that part of it is fear of an old pattern recurring, because a couple years ago, following the “old school” methods, I ended up getting to a point where no one would ever return my phone calls.
I think that this explains why it is key to also learn how to do things better because I know that alienating everyone helps no one, especially those who might be just right for doing something that builds their life for the better.
Steve Nicholas recently posted..Not a Two-Dimensional Figure
Great Post Nathalie, Yep,sometimes I feel exactly as you described, “what am I doing there ?”why this person wants to chat with me ? and on and on! I will follow your tips next time I am caught in this kind of self-debate!
Anne Egros recently posted..Invent Your Future Job: Be Unique, Be Social, Be Global
Hi Nathalie:
Self-criticism is such a dangerous road to travel. A lot of self-criticism comes from having faulty beliefs like I am not allowed to bring up business to a friend. We need to overcome the faulty beliefs with the truth and as the bible says “The Truth will set you free!”
Kevin
Kevin Martineau recently posted..Show your love for God by talking to Him
The statement I have been leaning toward lately is: “What you think of me is none of my business.” I’m still not quite there yet, still concerned about doing the right thing, being appropriate, not offending, not annoying someone. But the other realization is that if I don’t share what I have to offer I am actually depriving someone who might really benefit.
Warmly,
Dr. erica
Dr. Erica Goodstone recently posted..The 3 Causes of All Relationship Problems
Nathalie, you have done a wonderful job with this post. Avoiding Self Criticism may take a bit of a learning curve. This is such an important issue. There is what I call the “critic” in your mind which is linked to so much of past negative situations and words that were imposed on you when starting from your birth. Being AWARE of this idea and working with it can control self critical thinking. When I am in a spot like this and don’t catch myself in a conversation, I tell the person “can you give me a moment?” Take a deep cleansing breath and then get back on track. I just love this post and the painting is divine! Blessings, Donna
Donna Merrill recently posted..No Blog Comments? Don’t Cry
thanks, Great post, I will try and stay aware for the whole of my 12-15 hrs every day next week!
Mandy Swift @ Understanding Online Marketing recently posted..Getting Back To Basics – Understanding Your Online Marketing ‘A,B,C’
Hi Nathalie I really do empathise with this post because that was me. My solution was to find the correct training to help me do this successfully.
This is a case of investing in ourselves to get over any hurdles we have in business.
David Sharp recently posted..Believe In Success And Create Your Own Future
I really love this post…I feel like you were talking about me here for the most part. I will definitely try some of the techniques you mentioned here.